In the midst of this feeling of almost-exhaustion and a tinge of loneliness, I'm finding a renewed motivation to keep on down this path. I think it's because for once in my life I'm quite certain this is the right direction, and I know the long-term payoff will be positive. Even when stressed about the little dramas that play out around me at work, or navigating my way through other people's games, I keep that goal in my mind and it helps me push through the bull.
I'm just pretending the game players don't exist and am leaving them to their own devices. All I can do is my best, and I know I'm not perfect so the constant pointing out of every tiny thing I do wrong (while annoying and sometimes depressing to the point of wishing I had a voo-doo doll) really only gives me the path to improvement. The more I learn, the better I can be, and so on and so forth. In the end, they're helping me be better, and I can't fault that.
My folks will be here in a week. One. Week. I'm busy making sure the apartment is squeaky clean, the fridge is stocked, and although "we don't need no stinkin' plan" there are options for us during those four days. I miss my Mom and Zane, and cannot wait to see them again.
I like heels. I'm going to keep wearing heels. I unsubscribed from a blog because of some comments about heels not being appropriate and/or being "too sexy." Sorry, I'm a grown, married woman and they are just fine for me, thanks. I don't subscribe to the belief that the responsibility for sexual misconduct is simply because of how a woman dresses. Men bear responsibility for controlling themselves and their own urges (and where are the blogs that fuss at young men for their dress? And why are we focusing on clothing and not attitude? Don't get me started.)
I think we've decided to move closer to Houston, probably either late this year or early next year. There are lots of reasons. Let's just say the cons of staying in this specific town are starting to outweigh the pros. We'll see how it plays out, but at this point we're both feeling it (and it makes me feel better, less like this is just in my head.)