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10.01.2009

October already?

It's October 1st. The high temperature today in beautiful Livingston, Texas will be in the upper 80's. My Christmas planning is in full swing, and I hope to have most of my shopping done by Thanksgiving.

My Emmaus Walk is off. I had to make a decision at the last possible minute and chose to put it off for another time. Things are just hectic and crazy; taking a long weekend to navel-gaze, even if that navel-gazing is in pursuit of a closer relationship with my Creator, is just not responsible.

I'm studying for the CPhT exam with more enthusiasm, and am trying to not worry myself to death about whether or not I pass or fail on the first try. I've only been studying a few months, and I'm doing it completely on my own, and I have plenty of time. I would like to go ahead and just get it done, which really motivates me more than anything else. I can finish this and move on to the next thing.

The next thing is the real question. I've been working "part-time" in theory for over six months now, doing the Minimum Wage Shuffle and wondering how on earth I got to this point. I think that's got something to do with my lack of blog posting - I feel like a broken, boring record and no one really wants to deal with my inner dialogue, least of all me.

I feel myself gearing up for more of this season of change in my life. A friend told me not too long ago about the difficult season she's been going through, how long it's lasted, and how she's managed to persevere through it all. I keep telling myself to simply be faithful and look for the things I can learn from all this, or be open to the people I may meet while waiting for something better to come along. That's hard, as patience has never been my strongest suit.

This morning in my Twitter feed, I found this gem from John C. Maxwell "Major barriers to successful planning: fear of change, ignorance, uncertainty about the future, & lack of imagination." Do I fear change? Sometimes, yes. Am I ignorant? Well, not necessarily in general but when it comes to what lies ahead, ignorance could be the right word. Uncertainty about the future? Most definitely. Lack of imagination? See... there is the rub. I think I've drifted into a very non-creative space and I need to change that.

Successful planning sounds divine to me. It's time to break out of this rut and force myself to try new things, do old things in a different way, and make the dreams I used to hold dear to my heart come alive again.