I've been developing a blog post for some time, and this morning my pastor gave me the title and direction I needed, even though I'm sure he didn't realize it. (Thanks Todd!)
2013 was a very strange year for me. Work changes that didn't really have my heart. Family changes I would have never expected. A year of flux. A year that changed me in ways I wouldn't have expected last January.
One of the things I've struggled with for a long time is fear. Whether accurate or not, I default to a worst-case scenario. The actions I've taken, the choices I've made (particularly on a professional level) have tended to stem from a fear of not having a job and what might happen if my stream of income suddenly stopped. In years past, I've taken action based on the fear of missing out on a higher pay scale, or a certain thing that in my mind became the most important priority.
That's led to all sorts of issues. Things I can't get into right now because although I have a job, I'm sure explaining my fears and hesitations would not really be a good thing. Suffice to say I'm just not happy, and I'm questioning my own motives in all sorts of arenas.
Todd challenged us today. When God calls, say yes. His sermon series is about Jonah, and how you can run from God's call in your life, but basically (and I'm paraphrasing here) you may find yourself asking a bunch of strangers to throw you overboard so you can simmer for a few days in the belly of a fish. And that might be the best thing that ever happened to everyone in the long run - you'll help a few world-weary sailors stop wasting their time with praying to whatever god they think can help them in that moment and direct them to Yahweh, the God who really can. And you get another chance.
A friend from high school just quit a good, "real" job that was fulfilling and allowed her to do what she loved and make a contribution to a greater good. She quit that job because God has something else for her, and she stepped out on faith that it would happen. I may not be able to take that leap and just drop it all, but I'm willing to say yes right now.
Yes to God.
Yes to praying hard about what I'm supposed to be doing with my life.
Yes to acknowledging that what I do now is not what I'm suited to do in the least, and at least accept that for what it is in this moment.
Yes to working toward finding a way to use my areas of giftedness and ability in the way God wants me to.
I've said no for so long, out of fear and selfishness. It's time to say yes and see what is on the other side of that door.