Screwing it up
I've heard this one so many times, and I am fairly convinced it's true.
Sarah is a smart, engaging, funny little girl who makes lots of friends and is very sure of herself. She's four and a half and can read, count, add, subtract, knows a little Spanish and sign language, and just today in the car we talked about what kind of clouds were in the sky, and what different sorts of clouds mean, weather-wise.
But I feel so much like I'm screwing it up. I see the sassy attitude, the bossiness,the proclivity for back-talking, and my head knows that's just what kids that age do. They're testing boundaries, they're becoming their own individual selves, and I know it will get better. Every phase has passed and she's fairly well-adjusted.
I don't know if it's just because she's so verbal and tells me so much of what goes through that pretty blonde head of hers, but I worry that I'm messing up so badly. There are moments of clarity, don't get me wrong, like when she breaks into spontaneous prayer, or stops the usual "God is great" blessing to thank Jesus for her family and to just tell him how much she loves this or that. That's giving me a lot of hope for the future.
I know every other mom has fears and doubts. I know not every other family is doing Pinterest-worthy craft projects every weekend, and that sometimes other parents do just turn on Sprout and let the darlings watch some Caillou so they can have fifteen minutes of quiet.
It goes along with my personal hang-ups. Those I have to work on, so I can be the best Kelly I can be. For myself, but mostly for that little girl who calls me "Mommy."
Until then, please tell me she's not the only one who, in the words of Austin Powers, can't control THE VOLUME OF MY VOICE!!