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12.21.2015

Reflecting on 2015

One of my favorite podcasts is Around the Table. Jacey and Maggie make me feel like I have these two girlfriends I've never met, and I look forward to hearing what they're talking about every week. 

This was their last podcast for 2015, and they did something I thought was neat, and so I'm shamelessly stealing it for my own blog reflection. Tsh Oxenreider over at The Art of Simple has Twenty Questions for a New Year's Eve Reflection. Now, I don't know about you, but I don't have hours on New Year's Eve to pause and reflect on all twenty of these, but I figure if I tackle one or two here and there, it will be a positive way for me to reflect on what has easily been one of the hardest years of my life. 

To start, I'll answer the first question (seems as good a place as any to start.) What was the single best thing that happened this year? 

There are things I could pick, individual moments that were precious, or that I will carry in my heart for a while. I could talk about my new job, that allowed me to provide for my family in a way I would not have been able to otherwise. I could talk about a wonderful trip to my mom's in July and a great weekend with them. 

I could even talk about the way John and I have grown closer through our challenges over the last twelve months, and how the hard times have made us stronger. That's been something I am very, very grateful for. 

In the big picture, I think getting a real diagnosis for what is wrong with me is the best thing that has happened. And the reason I say that is because now I have more than just a feeling of being wrong, or sick, or tired, or all the other things I tried to power through, because I am a Strong Woman (c) and Can Handle Stuff.

I have made so many mistakes this year because I couldn't put a finger on what is wrong with me. I kept forgetting things, trying to find ways to remember, and then forgetting them too. So stressed I could just manage to get through hours and days. It affected every relationship I have, it affected my work, my volunteering, my everything. I tried it on my own, and I failed, so miserably.

But the positive of that is that I have learned a big lesson on being okay with asking for help - not just with "stuff" but with the emotional stuff of life. I have learned to depend on God, on my family, my friends, and that there is nothing wrong with not being okay. Most people aren't, is what I'm finding out.

We can all be "not okay" together, and that's the best part of 2015 for me.